Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
