he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
