I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
