Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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