Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
