after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
