Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
