He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
