I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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