Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
