There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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