a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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