Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just high enough for therapy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
