she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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