Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
