yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
