is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
