12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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