My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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