a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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