That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
