Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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