Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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