One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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