I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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