paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
