2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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