yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
