I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
