Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
