I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize