hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
