I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
