Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
