hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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