Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
