Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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