Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
