She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
