when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
