I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
