Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He shit in the fireplace
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
