Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
