I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize