i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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