I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
