I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
