It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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