so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize