i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
