All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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