I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
