i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's like iHOP with fire
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
