OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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