cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
