If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
