True but thats because hes a fetus.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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