i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
