oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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