the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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