Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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