She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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