my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
