He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
