You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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