Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
