Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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