She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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