I hate all girls vehemently.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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