Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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